The one with the snakes
Hey, It’s Diggy
This past weekend, my boy Tobias turned 10.
And honestly?
It was great.
We threw him a proper party. Invited his entire class, all of his cousins, all of his friends… and almost everyone turned up. By the end of it, we’d had around 36 kids come and go.
It was complete chaos.
But also, weirdly, very well handled.
The Setup
We hired out a church hall and did all the food ourselves. Set up tables, laid everything out… and then immediately realised there was nowhere near enough table space.
You always expect a few people not to show up. They always show up.
Still, it worked. Somehow.
The Main Event: Animals. So Many Animals.
The big attraction was an animal guy we hired. I wish I could remember his name because he absolutely deserves the shoutout. If I can track him down, I’ll put the details in the show notes, but my wife handled the booking, so I may be on a wild goose chase.
He cost £250, which initially sounded like a lot. I was expecting maybe half an hour of:
“Here’s a snake.
Here’s a lizard.
Goodbye.”
Nope.
He was there for a solid two hours. And he could’ve kept going.
I don’t know if he was meant to stay that long, but he seemed very happy. Just kept pulling animals out like some kind of biological Mary Poppins.
Educational Content (Sort Of)
The first thing he did when he brought out a lizard was show everyone its bum.
Not metaphorically. Literally.
Every animal followed the same format:
Here’s the animal
Here’s its bum
Kids lose their minds
The children loved it.
“AHHH IT’S A LIZARD’S BUM.”
Then he’d let the kids hold the animal. Then he’d put it on their head. Every single time. Not the bum. The actual animal. Although technically the bum was still involved.
The Animal Roll Call (That I Can Remember)
Over the course of the party, we had:
A lizard
A snake (no idea what type)
A tarantula
Stick insects
Hedgehogs
A tortoise
At one point, I turned around and there was just… a tortoise walking around the room. No announcement. No fanfare. Just vibes.
Where did it come from?
A pram.
He wheeled in a pram full of animals. Like that was normal.
There were leopard geckos, other types of geckos, rats, mice… honestly, it all became a blur. He just kept going.
Running Late (Because Animals)
Pickup time was meant to be 3 o’clock.
At quarter to three, we hadn’t even started the food.
I went into the kitchen and said to my wife:
“Are we… doing food?”
She replied:
“Yeah. I kind of need him to go.”
So I had to awkwardly interrupt this man mid-animal parade and say:
“Mate… this is all brilliant, but can you leave so we can feed the kids?”
He was totally fine about it. Then immediately said:
“I’ve just got a few more to show.”
Out came the rats.
Then the mice.
Of course.
Bonus Giveaway
As if that wasn’t enough, he also gave away stick insect eggs to parents whose kids wanted one. Full setup included. Container and everything.
Absolute legend.
Then Came the Food
We thought we’d do buffet-style food. Let the kids help themselves.
This was a mistake.
They obliterated the table.
One kid walked up, picked up a piece of watermelon in each hand, pressed them directly into his face, dropped the remains, and immediately grabbed two more.
He ate an entire plate of watermelon.
No one else got any. It was gone. Just… absorbed.
At that point, we regrouped.
“Right. Everyone sit down. We’ll hand the food out.”
They were feral. Probably because they were supposed to eat much earlier and instead spent two hours meeting animals and looking at bums.
Final Verdict
It was chaos.
But it was good chaos.
An absolutely brilliant day.
If you ever get the opportunity to hire this guy… do it.
This is not an ad.
